Every new year, so many of us make resolutions for change in the coming year. But just saying it doesn’t necessarily make it happen.

 I belong to a local community center that has exercise equipment. Every year for the 18 years I’ve belonged, there’s a flood of people who show up to work out and get in shape. They show up right after Christmas with new shoes and new shorts, and a determined look on their faces as they try to make up for a year of neglect in just two weeks. They soon grow discouraged and by February they disappear, not to be seen again.

We are all like that to some degree. We make the decision to change: “I’m tired of being like I am, so I will just change. I will try harder…and if I do, I will be a success. People will love me, I will love  myself, and I’ll stop feeling like such a failure in life and relationships.” But the harder I try, acceptance and significance still seem to be just beyond my grasp. The work of trying to live up to someone else’s expectations is the most exhausting work there is. Just like the people who showed up to try to get in shape, we are also soon exhausted with all of the effort, and nothing to show for it. Discouraged and disillusioned, we fall right back to the same life habits and patterns of thinking that  got us where we are in the first place. It seems to be a prison that we will never escape from.

The truth is that true and lasting change will only come from the inside, not the outside. Proverbs decalres, “As a man thinks, so he is.” I’ve got to change the culture of my mind first, and then my actions will follow. You can’t always trust your feelings. I’ve discovered that I may truly feel a certain way and those feelings are valid, but they are not always a true measure of the situation. God made us the way we are, but we feel that somehow, God messed it up. No, it wasn’t that God messed up. It is a lifetime of unmet needs and unhealed hurts that causes us to be the way we are, and only God can fix them.  If we are trying harder to please ourselves or other people, we will simply wear ourselves out and become disillusioned and discouraged. 

Begin to ask God to create a new heart in you and to open your eyes to how much He loves you. Ask Him to take away all of the cultural baggage you’ve collected in a lifetime, such as feeling you have to look a certain way or act a certain way to be accepted. Putting your best foot forward can be a good thing. But if you are driven to look a certain way or act a certain way to be accepted, then you are living in a bondage that God never created for you. No amount of attention or compliments can make you feel better about  yourself until you feel comfortable about how God has made you. The right man or woman cannot fix how you think and feel about yourself. You  need to see yourself through your heavenly Father’s eyes.